Doubt
by Adarian
Summary: Hawke is attacked in her home by a fleet of Templars determined to take her into custody. After she escapes, Fenris is missing. With the evidence stacked against him, what is she to think? Written for a kink-meme request


Doubt.

The air was tense as Hawke entered their home, closing the door quietly behind her. She could see Fenris rise from the fire, the mabari shifting his weight as the elf met her in the front hall.

"Where have you been?" He asked with a growl.

"Do I have to tell you everything I do every day?" She responded, hanging her coat by the fireplace.

"Just some days would be nice."

"Oh, I'm the secretive one now? Tell me, how was your day of brooding?"

"Hawke," he stated, putting his hand on her arm, "This isn't safe. You know this. Ever since you picked Orsino's side-"

"It's not like it ever was safe," she responded, pushing his hand off as she walked towards the stairs, "I'm not going to hide like a delicate little flower while my brothers and sisters die in the streets."

"I don't care about them. I care about you."

She spun around, "I'm a mage, Fenris. I'm not going to stop being one, even if I hide here with you. Do you understand that?"

"You sound like that damn abomination," Fenris sighed, running his hand through his hair.

"Anders is a good man," Hawke replied, "I know he gets on your nerves-"

"Hawke..." Fenris tried to interrupt, but grew quiet, the sound of the wood crackling drowning out their breath.

"I'm tired," she said quietly, "I've had a long day and I need to sleep."

He nodded, "I...I need some air. I'll be back later."

"Fenris," she murmured as he turned to go.

They stood, watching each other for a moment before Hawke climbed the stairs and left him waiting on the landing. She heard the door open as he let himself out. She tried to catch her breath as she stripped out of her robes and curled into bed. She wanted to cry, but felt oddly stilted, running the sheets through her fingers. The bed smelt like him still and it felt wrong for his side of the bed to be empty. She curled towards the centre, holding his pillow against her chest.

It would get easier again soon, she promised herself, her heart beat slowing as she tried to fall asleep. She thought of his big green eyes when he had said her name, looking up at her as she had turned to go.

What was he going to say? She thought before drifting into the Fade. She dreamt of Fenris, his skin free of the tattoos, an easy smile across his face. He reached out to her, but as she tried to take his hand, her fingers passed through his.

She heard Orana scream and she woke suddenly, bolting upright and grabbing her housecoat. She inched forward, peeking the door open as she saw her servant thrown across the floor, a Templar pulling another back from hurting her further. Bodahn and Sandal stood across the room, holding back the Mabari from attacking.

Hawke cast out an aura protecting them and sent out a wave of flames. The Templars moved quickly as she ran, the soldiers attempting to surround her. She fought back with a blast to the ground, and one grabbed at her, his gauntlets ripping into her coat as she fled into the back of the house. More Templars waited and she cast out a rain of fire, distracting them long enough until she could slip underneath the floorboards and into the under city. She stayed still in the earth, hearing the slight move of furniture. She ran.

The gauntlet had ripped into her skin, causing blood to seep through the fabric. She stumbled slightly, the mana drained from her desperate, unfocused attack. She made her way through the streets, feeling her way into Anders' clinic.

Her friend was still awake, studying over his manifesto as she entered. He smiled until he saw her hold her side and he went to her, helping her unto his examining table.

"I'm not wearing anything underneath," she warned weakly.

"I'm a doctor. Nothing I haven't seen before."

She smiled weakly as he examined the wound.

"I can't stay here," she said quietly, "The Templars came for me. I barely got out. I'm not sure how long I'll have until they find the tunnel."

Anders frowned, "You were by yourself?"

Hawke's voice caught in her throat, "Fenris...he never came home last night."

Anders said nothing as he placed his hands on her stomach and his fingers burnt through the skin. She grimaced slightly as Anders removed his hand.

"Varric will find you a secure place to hide, but I imagine if he's gone to the Templars-"

Hawke grabbed Anders' arm, "Fenris did not do this."

"He left you alone on the night the Templars raid your home. You told me yourself you thought it might be over. He...no man can hold out forever, Hawke. It is...too bad, that's all. In the end, an apostate can only rely on themselves."

"That's not true," Hawke demanded, standing, "He loves me."

Anders said softly, "I didn't say he didn't. I'm just saying..."

"That he didn't trust me," Hawke derided, "That I was becoming too radical, too unpredictable. That it was time that the proper authorities had me under control. That I am turning into you."

Anders bowed his head, "You should get to the Hanged Man. I'll walk you."

Hawke was too tired to disagree.

Hawke heard them whispering as she lay in Varric's bed. Both Isabela and Varric had been dismayed, but quietly confirmed to the other that they should have seen it coming. The elf had been even bitterer since encountering Danarius and the brewing tension between mage and Templar. When the time came to pick sides, didn't it make sense where his loyalties would lie?

She understood what was not being said amongst them, but what lay heavy in the air around them. In the grand scheme of this world, why would he choose her?

She stirred as Varric returned to the bed and he sat beside her, patting her on her shoulder.

"We'll get you out of the city in the morning. I'll go over to the Estate and make sure your servants are taken care of. You don't have to worry about a thing, Hawke."

He stood and said quietly, "I'm sorry about Broody. I didn't think he had it in him."

Hawke wanted to protest, but she was beginning to suspect it was a pointless effort.

There was a knocking at the door and Varric left her side to answer. She heard quiet murmuring and she saw Cullen enter the room. Hawke sat up and Cullen put his hands up in a gesture of peace.

He said quietly, "There's something I need to tell you."

"If you're warning me about the home invasion, you're a little late," she replied.

"It's Fenris," he started, "They've taken him. There was a skirmish in Hightown. He saw them coming, I guess. It's against the law to harbour an apostate and he refused to let them into the house. He killed twelve men, Hawke. He's facing execution at dawn."

Her heart jumped into her throat, "Where is he?"

"He's at the Gallows...I'm not telling you what to do, Hawke. But...I have a suspicion that if you turn yourself in, he may get a lighter sentence. I came here because if it was me, I would want to know."

"I need to go to him," she replied, jumping out of bed.

Anders retorted, "This could be a trap, Hawke. You're risking your life for nothing."

"No," she said calmly, "For him."

oOoOoOo

Fenris could see the beginnings of dawn trickle through the window of the cell. The stars were fading, the light in the sky growing softer.

He did not have much more time.

The only consolation was that Hawke had escaped. She would not be facing the noose herself, or the brand. He tried to think of her, the soft figure beside him in bed at night, the quiet smile that would cross her face as she woke and saw him there. But instead, his fear was taking hold of his body and he held his knees to his chest.

He heard the cell door open and he stood, allowing them to restrain him.

It would be over soon.

They pushed him past the chained apostates, each watching him with reverence, nodding their heads to him as he was brought into the courtyard.

He saw the Knight Commander and he was pushed down to his knees.

The woman walked towards him and began, "Elf, you have been charged with harbouring an apostate and the murder of twelve Templars. Do you have anything to say in defense?"

Fenris smirked, his body still trembling in fear, "No."

They turned as they heard the gates open and saw Cullen bring Hawke forward.

"Ah, has the apostate come to beg?" Meredith laughed, "Well come forward, girl. Make your plea for your mate."

Hawke threw herself at her feet, keeping her hands above her head.

"Take me," Hawke pleaded, "For the Maker's sense, I'm the one you want. Let him live. Kill me, but let him go. Please...please, Meredith. Don't do this. I'll do anything."

Meredith looked down at her, "Are you willing to prove your sincerity?"

Hawke nodded, tears in her eyes.

"You will be working for me now, Hawke. Three apostates in exchange for your lives. I will send you the details shortly. But remember, you are walking a fine line, apostate. If there is another display like the other day, I will not be so forgiving. Take him and go."

Meredith left the courtyard and Hawke turned, helping Fenris to his feet. She embraced him, sobbing into his shoulder as he held on to her.

"I'm so sorry," she whispered, "I'm so-"

"Shh," he murmured, "It's alright."

oOoOoOoOo

It had been three days since they had come home. Fenris had barely looked at her during that time. Friends dropped by the Estate, each barely hiding their surprise at seeing him there.

Fenris was not a fool. He knew. The whispers did not hide the disbelief. He had not said so to Hawke, but she knew it every time his eyes met hers. She thought he had betrayed her. They all had.

It was on that third night as they readied for bed, Fenris stripping without saying a word that Hawke finally blurted out, "I never thought-"

"Hawke," he said quietly, standing before her naked, "It does not matter. I have...acted so dishonourably in the past that it was assumed that the only reason I was not here was to offer you up to them. You wondered, how could you not? Things had been going so poorly...but, I just...I was fighting for you, Hawke. I was in a cell, waiting to die, and you thought that I had betrayed you. I...I am angry, but also angry with myself. How could you not understand...how could you not know?"

"I turned myself in to save you," she murmured.

"Only after you thought I was innocent, I'm assuming. What would you have done if Cullen had never come? Would you have left? Would you even have wondered where I was?"

"I love you," she growled, "Why can't you ever get your thick head around that? I'm tracking down apostates to save you. I would have gone to my death happily if it meant you would live. What do I have to do until you finally start believing that?"

He kissed her hungrily, pulling her into his arms. She felt stunned as he pulled off the rest of her clothes, his hand grasping unto her hip. She kissed him back, grasping unto his hair as he pulled her unto the bed with him. She wrapped her legs around him as he knelt over her, his cock hardening as he kissed her again. She closed her eyes as he pushed himself inside of her.

She threw her arms around his neck as he thrust. She groaned as his hand gripped her hip, pulling her close to him. She opened her eyes, meeting his before a hard kiss.

"How could you not know?" he murmured as their lips parted, "How could you be so foolish?"

She moaned as he thrust harder, his mouth sucking on her neck, grazing her skin with his teeth.

"Fenris," she groaned loudly, "Oh Maker, Maker..."

"Say my name," he ordered, biting down lightly.

"Fenris!" she cried, "Fenris!"

He flipped her unto her knees, entering her from behind as he surrounded her with his body. She felt his breath against her neck, his hand grabbing her breast as the other curved around her hip to stroke her clit. She came, shaking around him as he groaned, kissing her shoulder.

"That's it," he directed, "Come for me."

She moaned as his hand left her breast, grabbing the back of her hair and pulling her towards him. The second wave hit her harder as his movements quickened and her knees shook. He groaned into her ear, kissing her neck as he jutted forward, holding her close to him as he came, spurting inside of her with a sigh that made her heart ache.

Tired, she let him pull her into his arms, lying in the tangled sheets as she caught her breath. She kissed him softly, cupping his face in her hands.

He said quietly, "What happens now?"

She replied, a soft smile on her face, "We keep trying. Eventually we'll stop trying to sabotage our relationship."

Fenris chuckled quietly and held her to him. She sighed softly, falling into his frame as let her eyes close. For the first time in days, she knew he would be there when she woke.


End file.
